SingleFatherHood: A Year In Review
January 15, 2010, 12:39 am
It was almost a year ago that I got the call that changed my life.
Taylor (who will be 13 in 3 weeks) wanted to come live with me. I was shocked, I’ve always extended the offer wholeheartedly but never thought it would be accepted and logistically I had no idea what I was going to do, or how I was going to do it.
After a year of success I thought I would share some of the advice that came in handy:
Look before you leap!
It’s usually great advice, but when it came to getting Taylor full time the best advice I received was: “next time she wants to come down, put her on the next thing smoking and figure out the rest later.” So I did, and am still doing.
The life lesson I derived from this was: when the cause is worthy, ACT now- details later.
“You’re her father not her friend.” – Randy Rose
Advice given to me by my father as I was reassessing some of my parental strategies with him. Because I used to be weekend Dad I felt pressured to keep her entertained all the time. It was definitely an unexpected stress I had not considered.
When my Dad said that, a huge weight was lifted and my opinion on my performance as “paterfamilias” greatly improved. Although we need to have fun together and she needs to have extracurricular activities ultimately what I will be held accountable for is what kind of person she turns out to be.
I know, we all need fun to be well rounded but as the leader it’s my job to make sure we stay focused and on track….at all times.
Children need leadership from their parents more than they need friendship- let them make friends at school.
“You have to carve out some time for yourself so no one gets killed.” – Bernie Mac
I really struggled early in the year with guilt. I felt guilty every time I said no, every time I forgot something, made a mistake, got angry, wasn’t supportive, left to run an errand, go to a meeting etc etc…
Once I realized what was going on, I had to rectify within myself that although I was always human and flawed, now I just had someone to remind me of my flaws when I got home.
After coming to grips with the fact that Taylor wasn’t judging me I felt a certain sense of freedom to be myself.
I began focusing on creating balance in our life…she doesn’t need or want me around 24 hours a day and enjoys doing things for herself, and consequently I am in a better mood once I’ve had some me time.
“It’s not good for man to be alone” – God
One of the toughest things I’ve dealt with since taking the reigns of Taylors well being is not having anyone to help in the decision making process, the buck stops here, and with that comes the weight of that responsibility that I never imagined.
This year I’ve made it a point to reach out to other parents I know in order to have a sounding board and get input from those I respect in regards to parenting. It’s been invaluable and contributions from those conversations have made it into this post.
Being a good parent is hard work, but work worthy of our effort.
“Share your Passion.” – PrettyMike
One of life’s greatest rewards is being able to share our passions, visions and dreams with our children…It’s truly inspiring to hear Taylor get excited about a photo she took or a story she wrote. She even decided she was going to give jiu jitsu a try.
I can’t wait to see what 2010 holds for Taylor, Clarence and I.
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January 15th, 2010 at 11:07 am
mike, outstanding remarks about being a father/friend. I changed your diapers many a time, and always with great love and effection. Your reward will come back later, and it will hold more than you can believe.
January 17th, 2010 at 5:10 pm
[...] A Year in Review – http://prettymike.com/2010/01/15/singlefatherhood-a-year-in-review/ [...]
January 26th, 2010 at 11:03 pm
I loved this….
January 26th, 2010 at 11:04 pm
Seriously… it was all perfectly stated.
January 30th, 2010 at 11:00 am
Thank you! It took me a long time to write this post…your comment made it worth the toil.