One Step Forward, Two Steps Back.

May 29, 2009, 11:09 am

This week it occurred to me that on our journey:

We maybe on the right path,

Pursuing the right goals,

We maybe happy,

Healthy,

Wealthy and Wise-

But there will still always be setbacks, challenges and obstacles.

As I considered this further, it occurred to me that the happier, healthier, wealthier and wiser we are the greater the obstacles will be.

All this took me back to what Rudyard Kipling wrote about treating the impostors Triumph and Disaster just the same and reminded me once again to be happy for no other reason than despising discontent, and wanting to share love and not anger with the world.

Keep looking up eventually you’ll see the stars.

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Bloods & Crips…I mean the Birds and Clarence: Turf War.

May 28, 2009, 1:07 pm

As with most conflicts, what started out as mild jaw jacking has quickly escalated to full blown aerial assaults from the birds and a take no prisoner ground offensive by Clarence.

When this war will be over is hard to say- but my fear is that this battle will continue until the birds fly south for winter…which makes this a battle of will, and war of attrition.

Keep us in your thoughts and prayers-

(I shot this photo a couple summers ago and it’s still one of my favorite photographs- I love the contrast between the two photographers and while I don’t know the little girl I hope she is still shooting. The other photographer is Doug Sanford, check out the link above.)

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Laughing at Lincoln

May 26, 2009, 10:00 am

I had a rough weekend, I spent a great deal of time considering many failures in my personal and business life.

Feeling alone and abandoned, like a failure toiling in vain, I decided to do what I always do when I am feeling down, find someone who has it worse than I do in order to gain some perspective.

This weekend it was old Honest Abe (reading: “Lincolns Sanctuary: Abraham Lincoln and the Soldiers Home”). It was 1862, engulfed in the Civil War, with the weight of changing the spirit of a Nation on his shoulders, having just lost his beloved son, Abraham Lincoln found a way to carry on.

After reading less than one hour, the heaviness was gone and I realized my problems were not so grand.  I was reinvigorated to stay the course, with a clear mind and willing heart.

If you’re feeling down gain some perspective by laughing at Lincoln…

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P-Mike interviews B-Frank (Benjamin Franklin)

May 17, 2009, 10:53 am

P-Mike: Thank you for sitting down with me today

B-Frank: Well your blog meets my two requirements for publication, it’s “entertaining and useful”.

P-Mike: Thank you very much, as I mentioned I use your autobiography as a guide to a good life. Can you discuss the 13 virtues for good living?

B-Frank: Certainly, with the reminder that we all fail at one or more each day. The key is setting our mind to try our best to give each virtue equal thought and consideration.

Temperance: Eat not to dullness; drink not to elevation.

Order: Let all your things have their places; let each part of your business have its time.

Resolution: Resolve to perform what you ought; perform without fail what you resolve.

Frugality: Make no expense but to do good to others or yourself; i.e., waste nothing.

Moderation: Avoid extremes; forbear resenting injuries so much as you think they deserve.

Industry: Lose no time; be always employed in something useful; cut off all unnecessary actions.

Cleanliness: Tolerate no uncleanliness in body, clothes, or habitation.

Tranquility: Be not disturbed at trifles, or at accidents common or unavoidable.

Silence: Speak not but what may benefit others or yourself; avoid trifling conversation.

Sincerity: Use no hurtful deceit; think innocently and justly, and, if you speak, speak accordingly.

Justice: Wrong none by doing injuries, or omitting the benefits that are your duty.

Chastity: Rarely use venery but for health or offspring, never to dullness, weakness, or the injury of your own or another’s peace or reputation.

Humility: Imitate Jesus and Socrates.

P-Mike: Excellent, thank you. In your book, you cite adding humility after a Quaker friend informed you that you were thought of as proud. Can you discuss your thoughts on pride?

B-Frank: “In reality there is, perhaps, no one of our natural passions so hard to subdue as pride. Disguise it, struggle with it, stifle it, mortify it as much as one pleases, it is still alive and will every now and then peep out and show itself; you will see it, perhaps often in this history. For even if I could conceive that I had completely overcome it, I should probably be proud of my humility.”

P-Mike: Brilliant – (more next week)

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The Empowerment of Expectation Proclamation

May 15, 2009, 10:45 am

Yesterday after school Taylor came running towards me with a gigantic smile, progress report in hand  boasting 7 A’s and 1 B.

I wanted to punch her in the face I was so happy, instead I gave her a super sonic high five that almost took her hand off, then shook her like I was an English nanny…what can I say “I’m incorrigible”.

Since then I’ve called everyone I know to tell them about the amazing progress she’s made. Quite a few people have asked what sort of reward I was going to give her for getting good grades to which my response has been  “good grades are expected around here not rewarded”.

It may sound like I’m being a prick and you may think I have a been a dictator ruthlessly checking and correcting homework which could not be further from the truth.

What I have been and will continue to do is empower her with the knowledge that she is not only capable- but completely responsible for her grades and the life that good grades and hard work will provide her.

I provided the atmosphere, encouragement and empowerment of responsibility for her success- she added the hard work to make it happen.  Go Taylor.

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Running in Pearls, Biking in Heels

May 13, 2009, 9:32 am

Sometimes in life: we have to do- what we have to do, with what we have- when we have it. ( a mouthful I know)

But most of the time we have an opportunity to plan, prioritize,prepare and execute the actions which correlate with our goals. Recently I’ve had the opportunity to thoroughly take inventory of my life and for the first time I was able to get some clarity on what actions, people and principles lined up with where I want to go and who I want to be.

I mentioned crutches last week, but I think the analogy is powerful enough to mention again. We all have crutches, whether it be a person, anger, food, liquor, drugs, sex or cigarettes most of us have some “go-to” crutch to get us through. Crutches are fine during certain times in our life when we are injured, hurt or in need, but once that time has passed our crutches prevent us from gaining momentum and making serious progress in our life.

Once you let the crutches go and start making progress it’s the momentum that keeps us up (while the crutches will hold us back).

You wouldn’t run in pearls or bike in heels why would you embark on a new journey with old crutches?

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I quit.

May 9, 2009, 9:29 am

Toltec Troy and I were discussing True Religion, the dogma and the jeans. For him communing with God is equivalent to wearing a tailored pair of True Religion jeans. Citing they hold his goodies (front and back) in such a way that he feels like he’s in heaven. Since my jean shopping consist of getting into and out of Old Navy as fast as humanly possible I couldn’t relate…but I definitely was intrigued.

We began discussing the most tolerant South when I made the statement, “if your belief system can’t stand up to scrutiny maybe it’s not worth believing in.” What he said after that really struck a personal cord.

“The Toltec Warrior doesn’t need to convert anyone, win verbal battles, talk someone into something or get someone on his side… he’s content to be who he is, where he is, with what he has.”

So I decided to quit engaging in verbal battles and instead to be that which I wanted to see in the world. Our life not our words are our testament.

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If it weren't for bad habits…

May 7, 2009, 9:03 am

I wouldn’t have any habits at all.

Not true today, but a few years ago it was my mantra.

I was fixated on money and the things it could buy, trying to find happiness anywhere and everywhere accept within. I couldn’t stand to be alone with myself so I was constantly out searching, acquiring and consuming anything I could in order to try and be happy. Unfortunately it was all temporary, and with the great high of temporary happiness comes the terrible low of finding out the newest thing no longer fills that space in your heart.

As time has gone by and I’ve found it easier to be content within myself, what I’ve found most difficult was getting rid of the bad habits that came from searching, acquiring and consuming.

If you’re caught in patterns of destructive behavior (whether eating, drinking, sexing, shopping or drugging) try replacing the negative behavior with a positive habit. When you spend your time, money and energy participating in positive pursuits  you will have less time, money and energy to participate in destructive behaviors.

It seems simple enough but it can be difficult, often our behavior is tied to friends or relatives and feels like a warm blanket. Breaking away from a group that’s not good for you is never easy, but must be done.

I am not saying tell your family and friends to F’off- I am suggesting you redefine the terms in which you engage in activities if you believe the current terms are not in line with where you want to go. We need family and friends- and they need us. What we don’t need is to feed each others bad habits.

Find a new group of people who are conducive to your new lifestyle. It won’t happen over night, you may have to try several new things, it’s scary…but totally worth it.

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If you're not motivated.

May 6, 2009, 9:31 am

You don’t know the right people.

Visiting the Hirshhorn Museum this weekend I decided to spend some time in the Louise Bourgeois exhibit. The entire exhibit is fascinating and truly a culmination of her life’s work. The piece that touched me the most was a tapestry embroidered with: “It is not so much where my motivation comes from but rather how it manages to survive.”

This struck a personal cord because I get asked a lot how I come up with what I post on this site. The answer is the people in my life motivate me… to grow and get better in every area. They challenge me, support me, love me and have no problem telling me when I’m wrong. Family and friends is where my motivation comes from and definitely how it survives. (Thank you F&F’s)

If you’re having problems with motivation seek out the people who have done what you want to do, been where you want to go, and have the attributes you’d like to nuture and grow in your own life.

Remember, it’s not just misery that loves company, so does mediocrity and immorality. Those who do wrong or do nothing, love nothing more than getting someone else to do wrong and nothing with them.

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The High Road

May 5, 2009, 9:28 am

The PrettyMike dictionary defines the high road as: having the grace, patience and perseverance not to engage in a battle of do-wrong. It’s not easy, some people rub every strand of our moral fiber the wrong way…people whose very existence is an insult to our cosmic being. ( I’ve had several over the years )

In my 20’s I had a tendency to be a hot-headed reactionary, quick to anger- slow to peace. It felt good to unleash wrath on someone who did me dirty, I was quick with the “yo mama, my fist yo face, my lawyer your courtroom” or whatever the pertinent overreaction was at the time it was always most satisfying to strike back.

When we have been wronged it’s our natural instinct to inflict an equal and opposite reaction, but it’s also the easy road and short sighted. Being kind to those who are undeserving is the greatest love we can show our fellow humans and in my opinion involves the greatest amount of self discipline and restraint.

The bible say’s “a soft answer turns away wrath”. I can personally attest that showing kindness when wronged although not immediately satisfying will in the end reap benefits not considered as karma and life catch up to those who’ve wronged us and the universe balances everything out as it often does.

(Post Script: If you’ve ever had someone be nice to when you haven’t deserved it you know that kindness can be the best revenge to the undeserving.)

Be good to others and yourself.

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